My life with anxiety and depression pt1

Where do i begin?

To help you manage anxiety and depression, i need to tell you everything. Actually it all began when i were a kid. A very insecure kid!. Happy and funny, a boy who my mom would say, where my emotion for everyone to see. So i have always been a person who rides the wave. one second im on top of the world, the next, im down, way down, in the darkest corner of the Mariana Trench.
Now that the whole point of this page is knowledge, here is some!.
Mariana Trench, he deepest place on earth as we know it, To give some perspective, Mount Everest would fit inside the deepest sea trench on Earth, the Mariana Trench, with a few miles to spare. (More about this)

Well back to me:-)
My first recollection of anything close to depression would be me crying because i didn’t want to go to football. I had some friends there, but actually even though i today think i was a excellent player, every time i went my confidence would drop to the floor! Some of the player were very mean, and not at all supportive, i was a insecure and soft kid, who would take anything personal. So my recollection is that, from 5th grade til 8th grade, (the year i stopped playing football) my mode just went from at soft but happy kid, to a kid nearing depression. My confidence was not existent.

My first panic attack!!

So this kid in the 8th grade, no confidence and on top of this i learned that i have a tumor on my pituitary gland. This i not anything very serious im still today treated with medicin. for a very insecure kid at age 16, this was a nightmare. the first time i had to have a big examination, the doctor couldn’t  find a wane, so i was bleeding all over the place. Well all of this was happening and at the same time, i was dealing with neckpain.
One day in school, i needed to go to the toilet, and i remember going to the toilet the farthest away from my class, just to spend most possible time. The toilet was a very bright toilet, with a window in the ceiling. And at some point when i was washing my hands i remember my neck starting to tense up. well i tried this before, also to a point were i really hurts. But this time it didn’t stop, it just kept hurting and hurting to a point were i crawled out from the toilet screaming in pain!

No one could hear me, i was so long away from the classrooms that no one could hear me, it went on for 3-4 min, until i lay flat on the floor with sweat all over.
Today i feel the anxiety in my body, just thingking of this moment, even though i have talked with my parents and psychologist many times about this, i still feel the anxiety. Today i have a lot of tools, that  later will be sharing, but i stil struggle to fight it, everyday.

So what happened that day?
Well after gathering my breath, i went home from school, crying to my mom telling her everything. At that point i have had trouble with my neck, so out explanation was, that i was growing. And i was, so maybe that was a part of it. But the attacks kept happening, and happening, and happening, to a point were i believe that i my self could make them happen  by over thinking. So what maybe started as boy having a pain in the neck developed into a boy being afraid very afraid of when this attack would come back!
My youth, from maybe 16 – 22 i was afraid all the time! and exactly when the neck pain transferred into anxiety is hard to say, but i first realised it when i was 18 and very stressed at work. I dropped out of gymnasium (DK) to work at a supermarked, and the education at this place were to years. i developed a depression, and at point when i was nearing the exam, it was just emotion overload! and all my feelings started spilling out. crying, getting panic attacks falling apart.

Somehow i got through my exam, and started going to a psychologist to help me manage anxiety and depression just after. This helped me, it helped me realise, that what i was talking about as being neck pain, at this point was my own doing.

There is much more to this story, and i also want to tell, how i am today, and how i got here. So look for a pt2, soon🙂

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.